Is Cheating Really Worse These Days?
Experts say some amount of cheating is inevitable in any culture. When the first human beings set out the first rules for ethical behavior, there was no doubt some scheming wretch who started working out ways to bend them.
This early in morning(5:30am) the last thing I expected to see headlined as a news story was the story that I seen. After just finishing the last few pages of a book I was reading, I signed online only to be awakened to an article that read a little something like this "What makes people cheat?". For myself stumbling across this article brought about a joyous feeling inside of me. I didn't know if that feeling was due to my arrogance for writing about this subject for the past few months or if that feeling was due to some myth that I would have to dispel about the causes and effects of cheating and broken hearts. Upon reading the first page, I found that cheating(although you can really only cheat if you are playing a game) happens not just in relationships but EVERYWHERE. Although this is not surprising to me it did begin to make me re-evaluate the causes of cheating. If you have read the rest of this blog in its entirety or my other blogs such as this one or this one then you should know by now that this author obviously displays an affinity for highlighting the cause of Americas oh so humorous and absurd hypocrisies.
According to this article CHEATING is more American or as American as apple pie. Everyone cheats. Professors, scientists, lawyers(no surprise) and most importantly YOU AND ME. Yeah you can deny it, but WE ALL CHEAT. What does this mean for relationships? To a keen observer it can really only mean one thing. It means that how we look at relationships and pretty much everything else for that matter has to be looked at through a CULTURAL LENS. People cheat for two primary reasons. The first reason is lack of understanding of themselves and human nature. In a word ladies and gentlemen "DISCIPLINE" or the lack thereof. The second and what would seem like the most obscure and mysterious reason for cheating the relationship synonym being "infidelity" is CULTURE. At the top of the pyramid AMERICAN CULTURE. This quote from the article sums this up beautifully
"Societies [that place] the greatest emphasis on getting rich while having the fewest avenues to get rich in a legitimate fashion tend to be societies with the greatest amount of cheating," says Callahan. While there are plenty of legitimate opportunities to get rich in the U.S., Callahan observes that they don't extend equally to everyone.
He sees a nation that's obsessed with getting rich and terrified of losing out. We've been encouraged to think in Darwinian terms: We're all in a desperate struggle against each other to make it to the top. Failure is disastrous.
Experts note that the pressure starts when we're young. For some parents, not getting their child into the right preschool -- let alone college -- supposedly spells social and economic ruin. High school students are encouraged to fret relentlessly about college. They're pushed by their parents to get perfect grades, play sports, join a dozen extracurricular clubs, and take up esoteric hobbies or rare musical instruments in order to stand out to admissions officers.
"For young people, the pressure is greater than ever, and the competition is greater than ever,"
I hope we are reading the same article. If we are then the picture is quite clear. Your relationship whether it is a happy one, a miserable one or just one that isn't one, then is doomed from the start. Not doomed from the sense that you give up all hope and feel despair, but doomed from the stand point that in order to create and sustain any loving relationship, then you have to first know what you are up against. Your primary ENEMY chief antagonist to your HAPPINESS IS STRESS AND PRESSURE. Two intangible forces that are dedicated full time to knocking you out from that happy place that your soul yearns to be in. And the two co-conspirators of those forces are American culture and YOURSELF. The two culprits that constantly make you feel that you have to compete and act like something that you are not in order to seek love and affection in every place except where love is stored. YOURSELF. So the next time that feeling of RELATIONSHIP BANKRUPTCY begins to withdraw from your LOVE CHECKING ACCOUNT remember what forces are responsible so you can best outline your most strategic line of defense.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Fourth stage of love for women: TRUST
trust- 1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed 2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : HOPE b : reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered : CREDIT 3 a : a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another b : a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially : one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition 4 : archaic : TRUSTWORTHINESS 5 a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another b : responsible charge or office c : CARE, CUSTODY
Ok ladies pat yourself on the back. You have perservered and now you have made it through the trying times in your relationship. Most of your concerns about your man cheating have left your mind. Although from time to time those jealous streaks still pop up every now and then. The man you are with has proven himself and has displayed excellent moral character and integrity. On the surface you are completely happy and you have found most of the things in the man you have chosen. So where is all the friction and worry coming from? How come there are still parts of you that you feel you can't reveal to your partner. The main reason is that women have to give of themselves completely to be totally happy. In the early stages of the relationship both partners are busy peeling away the layers and illusions that are presented to each other in the beginning foundation of the relationship. This giving can only take place at a crucial point in a women's life. And this point is the fourth stage of love for women. TRUST.
A women has truly mastered that oh so difficult task of knowing how to trust their partner when they become fully comfortable expressing their inner fears and desires to their partners. This is the point when the woman is able to confess her childhood sorrows, express the things that she has been holding her back for years. The man a women chooses is the man that is chosen to be a solid rock. To be the woman's protector and guider. When a woman feels at ease expressing her deepest secrets and is able to give of herself in almost all aspects, the woman will become free. Very few marriages and relationships reach this point although they think they do. Many people say the words "I LOVE YOU" but there can be no love without this absolute trust. This absolute trust is expressed as the four pillars of a persons well being. The MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL components that balances and progresses all human beings. For women and relationships the over focusing of emotions and spirituality and the under development of the physical and mental are the two things that seem to stagnate women's growth and at times may hold them back. The ability to look at your future and wholeheartedly depend and lean on your man for any future events and contingencies is what keeps women in long lasting and fulfilling relationships. Men love women that are intelligent. And since women are ran by emotions, most times women may seem to focus on this aspect of human nature more so then others. The women that can enhance their mind and balance their emotions are the SUPERHUMAN. The women that can please themselves because they have achieved a level of awareness that most women are not disciplined enough to work for are the happiest of women. For men this is a dream. Once women understand this, they will always hold on to their man. He will never drift. He will increasingly lift you up and treat you like a queen. Mental growth for a women must be the main priority in learning absolute trust for women as well as building the level of confidence that men look for in women.
Another over looked factor that women don't give consideration to or stay consistent with is the physical growth. Men are physical creatures. We are real susceptible to how things look. Just because a man is in a long term relationship doesn't mean he stops becoming a man. So ladies keep this in mind. ALTHOUGH your man loves you and will do anything to assure your happiness, he still loves the physical appearance of women. That means that your man will look at other women and will be attracted to them. It doesn't mean infidelity it just means that he is natural and he will always be turned on by the site of women. Ladies YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR BODIES IN SHAPE. Not for your man, but for yourself. The minute you stop believing in yourself is the minute you lose your man. MEN ARE COMPETITIVE AND MEN ARE SEDUCED BY WHAT THEY SEE. The best way to keep your man is to always keep him guessing. Human beings seem to slowly disregard people and their loved ones once they become familiar. So ladies always keep your man guessing. Never and I repeat never appear to be PREDICTABLE. Always surprise your man and always be SEDUCTIVE, SENSUAL AND SEXY. This is a full time job, and you don't have time for days off. And ladies demand the same thing of your man. If your man is slacking, then kick his ass. Demand that he is at the top of his game because you are at the top of your game. If your man refuses to learn the law of reciprocity, then unleash your wrath on him. Now you have to do this with compassion. MEN ARE COMPASSIONATE AND WOMEN ARE INCOMPASSIONATE. For this reason ladies you have to be stern yet nurturing. TRUST for a women means that she has to work harder. It means that her confidence is so strong that it can move mountains. It means that your man can do anything or go anywhere and you without any doubts know that the man you are with has your best interest at all times. This level of development for a woman is the level of a GODDESS. Ladies you don't have time to be women in this day and time, you have to be a GODDESS. A SUPERHUMAN. Anything less will have your man wondering, acting disrespectful towards you and breaking your heart as much as possible.
Trust is balance. This balance is the safety net and security fence that locks in a successful long term relationship ten times out of ten. Trust is knowing your worth. Trust is demanding that your man treat you with ABSOLUTE RESPECT because you are putting your life in his hands and you are not worried at all. There is know need to harp on sex, but LADIES TRUST IS THE ABILITY TO GET INTIMATE WITH YOUR MAN WITHOUT REPRESSION. Trust trust trust is the coating that makes you, your man and your relationship iron clad. Trust is more then a nine to five job. It is a 24/7 non stop occupation that you must perfect and shape if you want to be happy. Trust is having little to no doubt in your man. Having trust does not mean that you are A FOOLISH DOORMAT. On the contrary a woman that truly knows how to trust will never be played for the fool because she realizes that she is powerful. She is the woman principle. That aspect of life that DELIVERS LIFE. With that type of power and responsibilty, a truly trustworthy woman knows herself, knows her limits and knows where she needs to go and needs to be at all times. You will have mastered trust when you look in the mirror and you don't hear any voice or have any thoughts and feelings of doubt. When that happens you are at a place that nobody can touch. That place is at peace with yourself. When you are at this place, you will have truly understood all the ins and outs of how to have complete confidence in all of your affairs. With such understanding and mastery, THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE WILL FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
Ok ladies pat yourself on the back. You have perservered and now you have made it through the trying times in your relationship. Most of your concerns about your man cheating have left your mind. Although from time to time those jealous streaks still pop up every now and then. The man you are with has proven himself and has displayed excellent moral character and integrity. On the surface you are completely happy and you have found most of the things in the man you have chosen. So where is all the friction and worry coming from? How come there are still parts of you that you feel you can't reveal to your partner. The main reason is that women have to give of themselves completely to be totally happy. In the early stages of the relationship both partners are busy peeling away the layers and illusions that are presented to each other in the beginning foundation of the relationship. This giving can only take place at a crucial point in a women's life. And this point is the fourth stage of love for women. TRUST.
A women has truly mastered that oh so difficult task of knowing how to trust their partner when they become fully comfortable expressing their inner fears and desires to their partners. This is the point when the woman is able to confess her childhood sorrows, express the things that she has been holding her back for years. The man a women chooses is the man that is chosen to be a solid rock. To be the woman's protector and guider. When a woman feels at ease expressing her deepest secrets and is able to give of herself in almost all aspects, the woman will become free. Very few marriages and relationships reach this point although they think they do. Many people say the words "I LOVE YOU" but there can be no love without this absolute trust. This absolute trust is expressed as the four pillars of a persons well being. The MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL components that balances and progresses all human beings. For women and relationships the over focusing of emotions and spirituality and the under development of the physical and mental are the two things that seem to stagnate women's growth and at times may hold them back. The ability to look at your future and wholeheartedly depend and lean on your man for any future events and contingencies is what keeps women in long lasting and fulfilling relationships. Men love women that are intelligent. And since women are ran by emotions, most times women may seem to focus on this aspect of human nature more so then others. The women that can enhance their mind and balance their emotions are the SUPERHUMAN. The women that can please themselves because they have achieved a level of awareness that most women are not disciplined enough to work for are the happiest of women. For men this is a dream. Once women understand this, they will always hold on to their man. He will never drift. He will increasingly lift you up and treat you like a queen. Mental growth for a women must be the main priority in learning absolute trust for women as well as building the level of confidence that men look for in women.
Another over looked factor that women don't give consideration to or stay consistent with is the physical growth. Men are physical creatures. We are real susceptible to how things look. Just because a man is in a long term relationship doesn't mean he stops becoming a man. So ladies keep this in mind. ALTHOUGH your man loves you and will do anything to assure your happiness, he still loves the physical appearance of women. That means that your man will look at other women and will be attracted to them. It doesn't mean infidelity it just means that he is natural and he will always be turned on by the site of women. Ladies YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR BODIES IN SHAPE. Not for your man, but for yourself. The minute you stop believing in yourself is the minute you lose your man. MEN ARE COMPETITIVE AND MEN ARE SEDUCED BY WHAT THEY SEE. The best way to keep your man is to always keep him guessing. Human beings seem to slowly disregard people and their loved ones once they become familiar. So ladies always keep your man guessing. Never and I repeat never appear to be PREDICTABLE. Always surprise your man and always be SEDUCTIVE, SENSUAL AND SEXY. This is a full time job, and you don't have time for days off. And ladies demand the same thing of your man. If your man is slacking, then kick his ass. Demand that he is at the top of his game because you are at the top of your game. If your man refuses to learn the law of reciprocity, then unleash your wrath on him. Now you have to do this with compassion. MEN ARE COMPASSIONATE AND WOMEN ARE INCOMPASSIONATE. For this reason ladies you have to be stern yet nurturing. TRUST for a women means that she has to work harder. It means that her confidence is so strong that it can move mountains. It means that your man can do anything or go anywhere and you without any doubts know that the man you are with has your best interest at all times. This level of development for a woman is the level of a GODDESS. Ladies you don't have time to be women in this day and time, you have to be a GODDESS. A SUPERHUMAN. Anything less will have your man wondering, acting disrespectful towards you and breaking your heart as much as possible.
Trust is balance. This balance is the safety net and security fence that locks in a successful long term relationship ten times out of ten. Trust is knowing your worth. Trust is demanding that your man treat you with ABSOLUTE RESPECT because you are putting your life in his hands and you are not worried at all. There is know need to harp on sex, but LADIES TRUST IS THE ABILITY TO GET INTIMATE WITH YOUR MAN WITHOUT REPRESSION. Trust trust trust is the coating that makes you, your man and your relationship iron clad. Trust is more then a nine to five job. It is a 24/7 non stop occupation that you must perfect and shape if you want to be happy. Trust is having little to no doubt in your man. Having trust does not mean that you are A FOOLISH DOORMAT. On the contrary a woman that truly knows how to trust will never be played for the fool because she realizes that she is powerful. She is the woman principle. That aspect of life that DELIVERS LIFE. With that type of power and responsibilty, a truly trustworthy woman knows herself, knows her limits and knows where she needs to go and needs to be at all times. You will have mastered trust when you look in the mirror and you don't hear any voice or have any thoughts and feelings of doubt. When that happens you are at a place that nobody can touch. That place is at peace with yourself. When you are at this place, you will have truly understood all the ins and outs of how to have complete confidence in all of your affairs. With such understanding and mastery, THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE WILL FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
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