The Role of Money In a Relationship

What is the role of money in a relationship? If a father is working hard and busting his ass to provide for his family by working 40 or more hours a week to bring home the bacon, but barely has time to spend with his wife and children, is that a real relationship? Maybe if every one stared making money and sacrificed time spent and real live one on one bonding, families would be better off. It seems that in this country, and maybe even other parts of the world the ability to keep a relationship together is severely dependant on material stability. If that's the case maybe we should bring our credit reports and business proposals on our first dates. I can see it now. A romantic dinner filled with stimulating conversation about our last paycheck and how easily we got the rent paid on time.Ooohhhh yeah your credit report is so sexy, I love the way your 800 credit score just shines so bright on your credit report.

Another suggestion! Instead of getting married in churches maybe everybody should get married in banks and walk down the aisle with fresh loan applications and atm cards so the bridesmaids and groomsmen have something special to look forward to when it is their time to shine. Even better, instead of hugging our children, telling them I love you and nurturing their development I suggest we replace the hugs with visa cards and iphones so we can prepare them for the real world and let them know that happiness with that special person is right around the corner if and only if you keep that bank account high. To be continued.........

HeartBroken

I never thought I would be in this position again, but here I am. As a man it is hard to reveal emotions to others because of how society is setup. However, I never really cared much about societies rules so I am going to reveal all. I am heart broken again and I honestly didn't see it coming. My fiance, my future wife, the only woman that I ever told I would spend the rest of my life with is changing right before my eyes. We always argued all the time, but now she has said things to me that I swore I would never hear come out of her mouth. This isn't easy for me to express because again emotions aren't something men are supposed to express. I guess that's why the prisons are jammed packed to capacity. There are a lot of things that are difficult when relationships end. The hardest part for me is the time, vision and goals that we set for each other are down the drain. All the positive memories and all the "us against the world moments are down the drain".

The worst part of this all is the children. Now due to the break up, I am officially apart of the visiting fathers club. I can no longer wake up and enjoy the sound and interaction of my children. It doesn't have to be over, but what do you do when a couples vision is no longer one in the same. I thought that this feeling would never happen after the first time. I thought that the fact that me and my fiance shared so many things in common would bond us forever. Well, either I was naive, blind or just ignoring the fact that everyone comes in your life for a reason, and those that come out of your life is also for a reason. Maybe the goal is to be attached to the lessons and never the person. I will continue this soon.

Love-The 5th Stage

What do you or I know about Love? That is the question my wife asks me as I tell her I am about write the final stage of love for women. So I figured I would start this blog off with that question. So what qualifies me to write about love? The first thing I believe qualifies me is the fact that I am human being. And being a human being I have what all human beings have. EMOTIONS! Now even cold hearted, evil and mean spirited people have emotions. Even if some emotions may be negative or misguided. Second, as human beings we had to have been conceived. And the act of conception to some degree involved feelings and emotions whether it was on a deeper or superficial level. The act of conception just by the sheer nature of the act implies sharing. And the very definition of share means a person or group allocates or contributes something. To contribute something even if it is unwilling and/or non-intentional contribution enters an individual into a relationship. And the nature of all relationships, most importantly human relationships, bonding or the fact that we are all connected. In order to exist two human beings had to connect and become one. They had to bond and unite. From that unification was born a whole new being. That unification is Sharing. As we ponder this almighty question so far we have discovered is that one thing Love is on the human level is sharing.

Sharing is amongst the highest forms of Love.

When you share you are practicing love. Sharing is how human beings contribute to the well being of each other. To share is communicate a message of love. To communicate that there is a piece of myself that that needs or wants to merge with a piece of you. Within the practice of sharing is communication. Communication, the sharing of information and data on all levels is a more technical and most times overlooked form of sharing. When my wife asked that important question of me and the fact that I pondered it and chose to write about is communication. When people read this and think about and take it further and comment about it that is communication. And by definition, communication is the exchange of ideas, thoughts and feelings from one party to another. In other words communication is the exchange or giving of pieces of oneself to another and vice versa. To share is to communicate. And when we communicate we express love.

Communication is the medium which human beings can use to practice Sharing.

So for the first part of the 5th stage of love, I will give an equation for those that are confused by these words, or are so unfeeling that they can't relate to emotions but can mostly relate to facts.

Communication=Sharing=Love

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Non committment

Now just to show that I am not making up what I write the following excerpt is a short paragraph from here written about the lack of long term relationships in India. That is right folks India. Apparently relationship troubles and the incapability to maintain long lasting love in a healthy relationship isn't just an American thing. Although the external factors influencing such non interest in relationships is without question %100 American.

(Psychiatrists believe the tendency to not-to make long-term commitments stems from bio-chemical hormonal changes that occur in body of an individual due to erratic sleep-awake pattern.)

I will keep this post brief and to the point. OVERWORK AND HORMONES are tearing your relationship apart. Please refer to the above mention article and all the entries of this writers blog if there is any confusion.

A Cheating America

Is Cheating Really Worse These Days?

Experts say some amount of cheating is inevitable in any culture. When the first human beings set out the first rules for ethical behavior, there was no doubt some scheming wretch who started working out ways to bend them.

This early in morning(5:30am) the last thing I expected to see headlined as a news story was the story that I seen. After just finishing the last few pages of a book I was reading, I signed online only to be awakened to an article that read a little something like this "What makes people cheat?". For myself stumbling across this article brought about a joyous feeling inside of me. I didn't know if that feeling was due to my arrogance for writing about this subject for the past few months or if that feeling was due to some myth that I would have to dispel about the causes and effects of cheating and broken hearts. Upon reading the first page, I found that cheating(although you can really only cheat if you are playing a game) happens not just in relationships but EVERYWHERE. Although this is not surprising to me it did begin to make me re-evaluate the causes of cheating. If you have read the rest of this blog in its entirety or my other blogs such as this one or this one then you should know by now that this author obviously displays an affinity for highlighting the cause of Americas oh so humorous and absurd hypocrisies.

According to this article CHEATING is more American or as American as apple pie. Everyone cheats. Professors, scientists, lawyers(no surprise) and most importantly YOU AND ME. Yeah you can deny it, but WE ALL CHEAT. What does this mean for relationships? To a keen observer it can really only mean one thing. It means that how we look at relationships and pretty much everything else for that matter has to be looked at through a CULTURAL LENS. People cheat for two primary reasons. The first reason is lack of understanding of themselves and human nature. In a word ladies and gentlemen "DISCIPLINE" or the lack thereof. The second and what would seem like the most obscure and mysterious reason for cheating the relationship synonym being "infidelity" is CULTURE. At the top of the pyramid AMERICAN CULTURE. This quote from the article sums this up beautifully

"Societies [that place] the greatest emphasis on getting rich while having the fewest avenues to get rich in a legitimate fashion tend to be societies with the greatest amount of cheating," says Callahan. While there are plenty of legitimate opportunities to get rich in the U.S., Callahan observes that they don't extend equally to everyone.
He sees a nation that's obsessed with getting rich and terrified of losing out. We've been encouraged to think in Darwinian terms: We're all in a desperate struggle against each other to make it to the top. Failure is disastrous.
Experts note that the pressure starts when we're young. For some parents, not getting their child into the right preschool -- let alone college -- supposedly spells social and economic ruin. High school students are encouraged to fret relentlessly about college. They're pushed by their parents to get perfect grades, play sports, join a dozen extracurricular clubs, and take up esoteric hobbies or rare musical instruments in order to stand out to admissions officers.
"For young people, the pressure is greater than ever, and the competition is greater than ever,"

I hope we are reading the same article. If we are then the picture is quite clear. Your relationship whether it is a happy one, a miserable one or just one that isn't one, then is doomed from the start. Not doomed from the sense that you give up all hope and feel despair, but doomed from the stand point that in order to create and sustain any loving relationship, then you have to first know what you are up against. Your primary ENEMY chief antagonist to your HAPPINESS IS STRESS AND PRESSURE. Two intangible forces that are dedicated full time to knocking you out from that happy place that your soul yearns to be in. And the two co-conspirators of those forces are American culture and YOURSELF. The two culprits that constantly make you feel that you have to compete and act like something that you are not in order to seek love and affection in every place except where love is stored. YOURSELF. So the next time that feeling of RELATIONSHIP BANKRUPTCY begins to withdraw from your LOVE CHECKING ACCOUNT remember what forces are responsible so you can best outline your most strategic line of defense.

Fourth stage of love for women: TRUST

trust- 1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed 2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : HOPE b : reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered : CREDIT 3 a : a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another b : a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially : one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition 4 : archaic : TRUSTWORTHINESS 5 a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another b : responsible charge or office c : CARE, CUSTODY

Ok ladies pat yourself on the back. You have perservered and now you have made it through the trying times in your relationship. Most of your concerns about your man cheating have left your mind. Although from time to time those jealous streaks still pop up every now and then. The man you are with has proven himself and has displayed excellent moral character and integrity. On the surface you are completely happy and you have found most of the things in the man you have chosen. So where is all the friction and worry coming from? How come there are still parts of you that you feel you can't reveal to your partner. The main reason is that women have to give of themselves completely to be totally happy. In the early stages of the relationship both partners are busy peeling away the layers and illusions that are presented to each other in the beginning foundation of the relationship. This giving can only take place at a crucial point in a women's life. And this point is the fourth stage of love for women. TRUST.

A women has truly mastered that oh so difficult task of knowing how to trust their partner when they become fully comfortable expressing their inner fears and desires to their partners. This is the point when the woman is able to confess her childhood sorrows, express the things that she has been holding her back for years. The man a women chooses is the man that is chosen to be a solid rock. To be the woman's protector and guider. When a woman feels at ease expressing her deepest secrets and is able to give of herself in almost all aspects, the woman will become free. Very few marriages and relationships reach this point although they think they do. Many people say the words "I LOVE YOU" but there can be no love without this absolute trust. This absolute trust is expressed as the four pillars of a persons well being. The MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL components that balances and progresses all human beings. For women and relationships the over focusing of emotions and spirituality and the under development of the physical and mental are the two things that seem to stagnate women's growth and at times may hold them back. The ability to look at your future and wholeheartedly depend and lean on your man for any future events and contingencies is what keeps women in long lasting and fulfilling relationships. Men love women that are intelligent. And since women are ran by emotions, most times women may seem to focus on this aspect of human nature more so then others. The women that can enhance their mind and balance their emotions are the SUPERHUMAN. The women that can please themselves because they have achieved a level of awareness that most women are not disciplined enough to work for are the happiest of women. For men this is a dream. Once women understand this, they will always hold on to their man. He will never drift. He will increasingly lift you up and treat you like a queen. Mental growth for a women must be the main priority in learning absolute trust for women as well as building the level of confidence that men look for in women.

Another over looked factor that women don't give consideration to or stay consistent with is the physical growth. Men are physical creatures. We are real susceptible to how things look. Just because a man is in a long term relationship doesn't mean he stops becoming a man. So ladies keep this in mind. ALTHOUGH your man loves you and will do anything to assure your happiness, he still loves the physical appearance of women. That means that your man will look at other women and will be attracted to them. It doesn't mean infidelity it just means that he is natural and he will always be turned on by the site of women. Ladies YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR BODIES IN SHAPE. Not for your man, but for yourself. The minute you stop believing in yourself is the minute you lose your man. MEN ARE COMPETITIVE AND MEN ARE SEDUCED BY WHAT THEY SEE. The best way to keep your man is to always keep him guessing. Human beings seem to slowly disregard people and their loved ones once they become familiar. So ladies always keep your man guessing. Never and I repeat never appear to be PREDICTABLE. Always surprise your man and always be SEDUCTIVE, SENSUAL AND SEXY. This is a full time job, and you don't have time for days off. And ladies demand the same thing of your man. If your man is slacking, then kick his ass. Demand that he is at the top of his game because you are at the top of your game. If your man refuses to learn the law of reciprocity, then unleash your wrath on him. Now you have to do this with compassion. MEN ARE COMPASSIONATE AND WOMEN ARE INCOMPASSIONATE. For this reason ladies you have to be stern yet nurturing. TRUST for a women means that she has to work harder. It means that her confidence is so strong that it can move mountains. It means that your man can do anything or go anywhere and you without any doubts know that the man you are with has your best interest at all times. This level of development for a woman is the level of a GODDESS. Ladies you don't have time to be women in this day and time, you have to be a GODDESS. A SUPERHUMAN. Anything less will have your man wondering, acting disrespectful towards you and breaking your heart as much as possible.

Trust is balance. This balance is the safety net and security fence that locks in a successful long term relationship ten times out of ten. Trust is knowing your worth. Trust is demanding that your man treat you with ABSOLUTE RESPECT because you are putting your life in his hands and you are not worried at all. There is know need to harp on sex, but LADIES TRUST IS THE ABILITY TO GET INTIMATE WITH YOUR MAN WITHOUT REPRESSION. Trust trust trust is the coating that makes you, your man and your relationship iron clad. Trust is more then a nine to five job. It is a 24/7 non stop occupation that you must perfect and shape if you want to be happy. Trust is having little to no doubt in your man. Having trust does not mean that you are A FOOLISH DOORMAT. On the contrary a woman that truly knows how to trust will never be played for the fool because she realizes that she is powerful. She is the woman principle. That aspect of life that DELIVERS LIFE. With that type of power and responsibilty, a truly trustworthy woman knows herself, knows her limits and knows where she needs to go and needs to be at all times. You will have mastered trust when you look in the mirror and you don't hear any voice or have any thoughts and feelings of doubt. When that happens you are at a place that nobody can touch. That place is at peace with yourself. When you are at this place, you will have truly understood all the ins and outs of how to have complete confidence in all of your affairs. With such understanding and mastery, THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE WILL FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU.