Third stage of love for men: LOYALTY PART TWO

LOYALTY! LOYALTY! LOYALTY! The only three words to counter that would be TESTOSTERONE! TESTOSTERONE! TESTOSTERONE! It is this chemical that flows in large proportions throughout men that gives men that good old fashion SEX URGE. That urge to look at countless women while at the same time holding hands with the woman we love. That urge that gives men the capacity to be with woman after woman just for the sex of it instead of the emotional connection. Ladies men don't cheat, men follow the course of what nature has decreed to be the chief chemical that makes them seek as many sexual encounters as possible. Does this mean that testosterone rids men of personal responsibility? NO! Does this mean that testosterone gives all men an access pass authorized by nature to allow men to be WRECKLESS in their relationship? NO! What it does mean though is that a man BY NATURE is designed to go from woman to woman? A mans sex urges flow through his body every hour. That is mans cycle. The cycle may take place in actual thoughts or it may show itself as the sheer stimulation that a man feels just because of the makeup of testosterone. Compare this cycle with the 28 days of a woman. To compare the two and say that men are just like women would be absolutely ridiculous. Since the main chemical that regulate the makeup of women is ESTROGEN, the concept of going from person to person may seem somewhat immoral and non-committal to women. This would also mean that NATURE would allow MEN to be barbaric and savage with the inablility to settle down and be a part of a loving relationship with a woman. So to solve this problem NATURE being all purposeful and all knowing came up with the solution of having more then one MARITAL SYSTEM.

What does all this talk of SCIENCE AND MARITAL SYSTEMS have to do with INFIDELITY and men being unfaithful? It means that the way in which we choose to commit and the type of marital system that we choose to operate under is a hidden cause of unfaithfulness. If the women far outnumber men in the world by the millions we have to totally re-evaluate whether or not MONOGAMY OR INDUSTRIAL marriage is the best choice for a society that promotes promiscuity and does not take into account the MAJOR differences that make both genders different and unique. So called cheating is committed by a man in one of two ways. The mans decision to cheat is either PRE MEDITATED OR SPONTANEOUS. To fully understand how each one takes place means delving into the deepest part of a MANS NATURE. Once the man becomes bored and uninterested in a relationship then his mind starts to wonder. If the woman becomes nagging and a nuisance then the man will slowly consider the relationship a burden instead of a benefit. Remember ladies men in some ways are like children so it is very important to be aware when your man is becoming disinterested. It is at this point that the idea of having another woman may be more temping to him. He starts to contemplate dealing with someone else without you knowing about it. To most men the idea of having a wife to settle down with and live his nice wholesome life as well as a mistress that doesn't stress him out and is available for the man to talk to without any friction is very appealing. This falls along the lines of Pre-meditated cheating. On the end is the spontaneous cheating. This happens on the whim. This isn't planned and it doesn't occur because the man is becoming dissatisfied. This occurs because the man has the opportunity to deal with another woman and simply because he can deal with one he will deal with one. Just because a man deals with another woman doesn't mean that he loves the woman or cares about her, it just means that the man has succumb to his urges and has temporarily discarded his commitments.

This type of behavior is detrimental and can cause serious heartache to the woman that gives her heart and time to a man just have him deal with another woman. Ladies to avoid this you may have to embrace the notion of allowing your man to have more then one WIFE. Allowing this will add more structure and stability to a situation that at this point in time is in crisis mode. The type of marriage that Americans are in now is Industrial marriage and monogamous marriage. Industrial marriage deals with one man and one woman. Monogamy is just one parent or single parent household contrary to popular belief. Industrial marriage is set up to stabilize the household because both parents have to work outside the home. This type of marriage is setup up out of forced conditions not necessarily loving and feeling conditions. Monogamy or single parent households are the result of extreme conditions and leave the one parent with no other choice but to take on the role of MOTHER AND FATHER. To eliminate this, POLYGYNY will organize an other wise chaotic institution of marriage into one that is organized and spiritual. Men going from woman to woman is both the calling of nature and at most times the calling of a high level of insecurity and false masculinity on the part of men. Regardless of which marital system you choose to settle down and marry into, the most important thing is to seriously assess the maturity level of the man you choose. It doesn't matter if you are or the system is organize, a man has to first learn DISCIPLINE. POLYGYNY DOES NOT GUARANTEE THAT A MAN WILL BE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE. It is a system. And like all systems it has to operated in a certain way. And in this system the woman chooses who the other wives should be. To operate under this system the man has to be strong and a warrior. Not someone that is concerned with being a PIMP. He has to be serious about life and business. And ironically, this same seriousness is also needed if you decide to practice the more common marriages that we practice today. The moral of this story is that the man is the MORAL. In any relationship a man has a vow to be upfront with the woman he chooses and avoid the pitfalls of acting forever young and refusing to GROW UP, BE MEN AND START LEADING WOMEN IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

The third stage of love for men: LOYALTY PART ONE

Loyalty- the quality or state or an instance of being loyal
synonym see FIDELITY

Loyal- 1 : unswerving in allegiance: as a : faithful in allegiance to one's lawful sovereign or government b : faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c : faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product
2 : showing loyalty
3 : obsolete : LAWFUL, LEGITIMATE
synonym see FAITHFUL

Why do men cheat? This all too familiar question is the main staple of the mind numbing talk show t.v. circuit. It is the gas that fuels thousands of relationship and personal self help books. All of these venues claiming to offer a quick fix solution as to why men sow thier royal oats with various women. Well if you are accustomed to such fluff and childish excuse for adult solutions, then this explanation on the third stage of love for men will most certainly HURT your feelings. The following explanation can be backed up by tons of facts and I by all means welcome the reader to challenge, rant, rave and fight tooth and nail to oppose the following view. So please clear your mind and read real carefully on arguably the worst problem facing relationships in America. LOYALTY.

The previous introduction was very necessary because in order to understand the depths of infedility, both MEN and especially WOMEN have to dig real deep into the core of our consciousness that serves as "HOME BASE" for all information and beliefs that direct our BEING. To understand why MEN "cheat" is definitely the wrong question to ask; and taking an approach with this question in mind will only lead the seeker of this question to chasing thier tales. Whether then bombard you with countless statisics and examples, I will simply proceed on giving an overlay as to the current state of affairs that is relationships.

Why do men cheat? First of all men do not cheat. Cheating implies that we(MEN AND WOMEN) are playing some sort of game. If both partners in a relationship are serious then nobody is playing any games. To understand MENS approach towards women you have to explore the deepest parts of their mind. If we all want to get out of the crisis that is American relationships then I am sorry but we are going to have to get SCIENTIFIC. To put it in a language that you can understand; the solution to your infedility problems with men IS IN THE GENES STUPID. Not those bugle boys or expensive VERSACE JEANS, but those genes your parents gave you. If you want to understand why men must have loads of women and seem to process committment and loyalty much different then you ladies then you have to explore the entire makeup of what we call THE HUMAN MALE. The chemicals that flow through, the body parts that men are endowed with and the way in which the chemicals and body parts function largely influence the way men think and feel. If you feel that this is way too much to deal with to solve infedility then I say to you enjoy your increasing divorce rates. Enjoy your ever increasing woman to man ratio(check the census to see how many more women exist then men). And also enjoy being single and lonely while you continue to tell yourself that you don't need a man and you are happy with your career. However if you are a woman that has some sense and has tried EVERYTHING, then sit back and enjoy this exploration into the mind of men and what makes them tick. SEE PART TWO for the continuation of The third stage of love for men: LOYALTY.

Second stage of love for men: DECISION

decision- 1 a : the act or process of deciding b : a determination arrived at after consideration : CONCLUSION
2 : a report of a conclusion
3 : promptness and firmness in deciding : DETERMINATION
4 a : WIN; specifically : a victory in boxing decided on points b : a win or loss officially credited to a pitcher in baseball

Decisions, decisions, life is full of them. Big decisions or small decisions every decision we make can drastically alter the course of any plan we attempt to implement. With all the decisions we have to make in life, who has time to waste thinking about what kind of woman to settle down with. Life is to stressful to have to narrow down a perfect choice for a woman. And women, I am sure you have way more important things in this day and time to think about other than deciding on which MAN to choose right.
WRONG! It sounds real self assuring and excellent to our ego to say we don't spend time deciding on which man or woman would be right for us. The truth is, it may just consume a large portion of our mind, body and soul. Men, why make a decision anyway, when you can be perfectly happy with a harem of women and the only decision you need to make is your place or mine.

What goes through a man's mind when it time to make a decision on choosing a particular woman? Men have certain qualifiers and preliminaries that they feel women have to pass. She is real clean, she has a sense of humor, she is not too controlling(on the surface)and most importantly she is attempting to achieve the same things in life that you are. So what happens to men after they find a woman that has jumped that initial hurdle. I tell you what happens. The second stage of love for men kicks in. DECISION. With so many women available to men, deciding on one may be the last thing on a mans mind. But when that special lady begins to capture the heart of a man, MEN start to act strange. They begin to run out of excuses. You know all the excuses men come up with to avoid committment. During the decision phase of a mans path towards love he starts to realize that play time is over and it is time to pick the woman of his choice. All childhood behaviors and immature views towards women begin to fade away. No longer can the man just settle for one night stands and wild flings that lead to no where. At this point, the man starts to see that the women he attracts are very serious and those women are threw with wasting time. With such a realization, this is the stage that most men rarely get past and they would rather stay within thier cocoon of promiscuity and run from change and stability for more years to come.

Ladies if you get frustrated or have been hurt because you are waiting for a man to committ to you, now you know the cause. It is the mans inability to decide that is holding up your committment plans. And can you blame men. See, men can't decide because where women see marriage and committment men see PRISON TERMS. Instead of white picket fences, men see balls and chains. Men see the years just peeling away. Men see all thier days routinely being the same. Men see marriage as one big GROUNDHOG DAY where everyday is exactly the same and happiness is a thing of the past. The way to get a man to decide to be with you is to always keep things fresh and new. Always keep the man guessing. A man will not DECIDE to settle down with you if he feels he will be trapped in the long run. A man will never be loyal to a woman if she bores him, constantly complains or is far to CONTROLLING.

I know this spells danger for all you career driven women, but if you want to make a man decide to be with you instead of one of all the other millions of fresh fish in the sea, make the decision easy for him. GIVE MEN THIER SPACE WHILE GIVING THEM PLENTY OF ATTENTION. If you as a woman understand space and the power of being elusive, a man will make a decision to deal with you 9 times out of 10. Men are like children when it comes to narrowing down the right woman. They are like children because they want thier cake and ice cream(lots of woman). And like a child you better believe they want to eat thier goodies too. Most men, not all may view woman as numbers or "goodies", but eventually this view wears thin and value instead of superficiality starts to arise inside a mans mind. When it comes to this second stage of love for men, women should treat mens inability to make a decision as you would treat a childs. The more often you do that, the more you will men come around to marriage and committment and they will no longer waste your time or act like children. Placing this demand on men and knowing how to treat them when they proscrastinate will force them to grow without making them feel TRAPPED.

First stage of love for men: CHANCE

chance- 1 a : something that happens unpredictably without discernible human intention or observable cause b : the assumed impersonal purposeless determiner of unaccountable happenings : LUCK c : the fortuitous or incalculable element in existence : CONTINGENCY
2 : a situation favoring some purpose : OPPORTUNITY
3 : a fielding opportunity in baseball
4 a : the possibility of a particular outcome in an uncertain situation; also : the degree of likelihood of such an outcome b : plural : the more likely indications
5 a : RISK b : a raffle ticket

Men, isn't this world great. You can travel anywhere in the world and always be outnumbered by women. That is excellent. You can have two women, three women, four women. Hell, why not shoot for Wilt Chamberlains record and score in the hundreds and thousands. Now that is heaven isn't it? Wait a minute, if that is heaven, then every man in the world should be in bliss. For some reason as a man, I don't feel blissful. There are millions of women to choose from, but I always get the strange feeling that out of these millions of women, some of them may be dangerous for me. That's right fellas dangerous. Do we really want a women that looks good but isn't to bright upstairs. Yeah she has a gorgeous face and big breasts, but there is that voice in your head saying that I can't bring this woman home to my mother. This conflict between the SUPERFICIAL AND DEEP(SUBSTANCE) is the foundation for how men weigh or assess how he loves a woman. This foundation is called the first stage of love which is CHANCE.

Abundance in women may seem like a man's playground, but to a man it mostly ends up to be a misleading hell. As a man gets older and wiser he realizes that he can't continue to deal with women the same way as he did in his youth. With age man starts to yearn more and more for a defined sense of accomplishment. This sense of accomplishment is most often identified and polished with a woman that can be his compliment. A woman that parallels his thoughts and emotions. A woman that can help him learn and realize things about himself and his environment that he by himself could never realize. This is the woman that most men really want. However, the key words are WOMAN. NOT WOMEN. It is this singular/plural distinction that some times scares men. With all the beautiful women out there, how do you choose a women that won't tear you down and destroy all of your accomplishments?
Ladies, this is the question that men ask themselves that you never hear. This is what is called RISK ASSESSMENT OR RISK MANAGEMENT. What is known as CHANCE.

Men take a tremendous CHANCE or gamble when settling with a women. Lots of fears and quiet panic attacks start to hit men of all ages when they SETTLE DOWN. Whether it is marriage or just non-contractual COMMITTMENT(business partnership) men ALWAYS and I repeat ALWAYS are faced with the fact that they can no longer deal with plenty of women when they settle down. Choosing ONE out of the bunch takes serious calculations. Is she hygenic, is she smart, is she agreeable(respectful), how is she in public, is she willing to carry on a legacy for the future? To all the women, you don't hear this and may not see this acted out, but this is constantly weighed in a man's mind. When thinking about the future men don't think about breasts, we think about how can this women handle any unforseen event that may come into our lives. When trying to define and achieve purpose in life, we don't care if the women has nice legs, we ask ourself what can she contribute to further the goals that we set for ourself. All of this deals with risk. One bad choice in when choosing a women can set a man back for years. And in one fatal decision a bad risk(chance) can blow all the work he has accomplished up until that point.

So ladies, yes men love sexy women. We love the way you smell and the way you move. Yes, we love all of that, but when choosing a mate to settle down with, WE DON'T CARE how gorgeous you are. No amount of looks is worth the chance of MISERY. It is nothing more disappointing to realize that you have chosen a good looking barbie doll that can't even begin to envision the plans you set forth for the future. The chance that men take in cutting off all the potential mates that exist is a scary CHANCE that men gamble with each and every time they deal with a women. Even having many sexual partners is a CHANCE(RISK) that claims the lives of millions of men. And yes women also take chances, but CHANCE is far less of a priority for women because women have a radar that can detect the initial value of a man within the first ten seconds. That radar is signalled by a man's shoes, by the tone of his voice, or just by the simple way the man has approached them. Unfortunately for men, our radar is a little more slanted by a women's nice frame and the GOD-LIKE symmetry of her face. With such a disparaging contrast in how the opposite sex chooses a significant other, men have a lot more assessing to do then women because well lets face it, a women's cards(bodily assets) are more visible then a mans. With such a disarming disadvantage, a man has to do a lot more piercing through a womans veil to see who the woman is on the inside. That inner women that really makes a women shine and makes a man feel proud when she is walking side by side with him.

So next time any woman asks or questions as to why men have trouble with committment, just remember it is not trouble, it is just the fact that settling down is by far one of mens most riskiest decisions of his life. And merging the voice of SUPERFICIAL with the voice of the DEEP(SUBSTANCE) takes time and discipline.

Third stage of love for women: FAITH

faith- 1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : LOYALTY b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs
synonym see BELIEF
- in faith : without doubt or question : VERILY

Well, well, well you have found the man of your dreams(or so you think) and you are in complete bliss. You are different then all those other women that are single and miserable. You have went through hell and have found a way to snag a good man out of the not so good men that have came and exited your life. The relationship you are in is in full swing and now love is your middle name. Happiness and comfort is so much around you that you now have a renewed sense of control and empowerment over your life. Now as a women you are making things happen and you even dedicate yourself wholeheartedly to the wants and needs of your significant other. THIS IS THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE AS A WOMAN THAT ALL THINGS ARE COMPLETE. You are extremely happy, BUT YOUR MAN ISN'T.

LADIES, if you are wondering when that exact point when your marriage went wrong, then you weren't aware of that stage of love when crisis is at its highest potential. That point when your man starts to question whether or not he should stay with you or not stay with you. This stage(CRISIS POINT) is most likely when you are the most happiest in the relationship but yet the least attentive to your man's needs. That's right, that breakup point or the inevitable divorce waiting to happen is caused by one thing. FAITH(or the lack of). As a man, one of our biggest concerns(FEAR) is that no matter what we get into or who we settle down with, we have to maintain that sense of freedom and degree of pride. Without that, ladies may find themselves with a brooding man that may not know how to release or express his emotions. A man with his freedoms trampled on and his pride(ego) bruised can turn out to be your worst nightmare. A sensible woman would ask well "how does that happen"? If I am extremely happy then it is no question that I am making my man happy! RIGHT?WRONG!

It is at this crucial stage of FAITH that women tend to change their man little by little. They begin to conduct complete makeovers. This is also when women STOP listening to men. Relationships are a constant exchange of power. It is a constant giving and taking between two individuals that may not always agree. In order to sustain some sort of equilibrium a man must learn to be aware of a women's constantly changing needs and a women at times has to learn to submit to a man's leadership. This is where things get sticky. A true test of FAITH for women is when there man suggests something or says that something should be done and the woman second guesses his decision. This is when disaster strikes. Your man shuts down and starts feeling like you don't respect him or what he says. Most men are pleased by their ability to lead and by how much their woman respects their decision making. If at any time you have doubt or question anything in a relationship then you are far from in love. You are more happy to be with a roommate then to be with someone that holds fidelity to ones own promises and vows. In a nutshell ladies you must know when to follow at the point in the relationship when you feel the most critical, the most opinionated and the most blissful. This doesn't mean be docile or a door mat. However, if you are consistently second guessing your man and regularly trying to train him and ignore his leadership, then you don't have a male companion or FAITH, you have a puppy. And if you would rather have a puppy then a man, don't be surprised when he BITES BACK.

Second stage of love for women: GRATITUDE

gratitude- the state of being grateful : THANKFULNESS
grateful- 1 a : appreciative of benefits received b : expressing
2 a : affording pleasure or contentment : PLEASING b : pleasing by reason of comfort supplied or discomfort alleviated

ladies are you constantly giving men the ATM card to your heart, just to have them withdraw all of the funds. Sick of going to the bank just to discover that there are less and less of your emotional deposits left in your joint checking account? Are you working hard every day investing your mind, body and soul into your relationship(business) and the next thing you know the house that love has built has been foreclosed on. If you are a lesbian, single and lonely, or just plain ANGRY AS HELL; then ladies that means your GRATITUDE bank account has been deleted. It means that you have given a man(or many men) the ATM card to your heart and he(they) have spent until their hearts content. They have exhausted all your reserves from the joint checking account that you called LOVE. It means you are constantly working overtime to replenish your mind, body and soul, just to find that some man has left your spiritual savings OVER DRAWN.

Well then, that bitterness and need to male bash that you feel is caused by the male gender and his reckless spending habits can now be blamed on the "cloud of GRATITUDE". You now have a right to strike back against the culprit that has caused you turmoil. That culprit is GRATITUDE. Other wise known as the second stage of love for women. This is the stage of love that can make you rejoice at the fact that you have a relationship(bank account) or leave you standing by yourself wishing you had over draft protection. Gratitude is the place where women feel pleasure and contentment for their man because courage has shown them that they can pursue and find the mate of their choice. Its a rewarding feeling that comes from knowing that you can find what you are looking for without having to be a person that you could never become. Unfortunately, this feeling of pleasure and contentment is all to often clouded when a women's courageous acts of boldly pursuing the man of her dreams becomes disillusioned when she finds the man has not met her expectations. After all the mental and emotional preparations of picking up the pieces of past breakups and putting down the baggage, WHAM, another disappointment comes to knock you out of your fantasy. Next thing you know those good old voices come into your head saying that "you should have known better" or "I keep trying and trying and I keep ending up with the same prospects" and the classic "I am better off by myself".

These voices are no more then the screams of ingratitude lurking to whisk you away from the state of being pleased and appreciative. Being appreciative of the fact that each relationship no matter how bad or unsuccessful is a LESSON IN LOVE. A sign showing you that there were things that you didn't know about yourself. Natures way of putting things in perspective for you to really prepare yourself for the partner that you constantly do crazy things in life to capture. Making you question yourself as to whether or not you can persevere and possibly continue going through heartache after heartache until your are at peace with yourself and appreciate what you went through? Or will you remain bitter and do things that you normally wouldn't because of a so called heart break? If you chose the second then you are a "victim of GRATITUDE"(INGRATITUDE) instead of a dweller within it. If a women can't get past this second stage of love, then all things that appear to be love will always end up in disillusionment and repressed feelings that will grow and cover all aspects of your life until you snap out of it and realize that LOVE is always a journey, and never a destination. And along that destination, GRATITUDE is the pit stop where you refuel and replenish yourself to prepare for the unexpected.

First stage of love for women: COURAGE

courage- mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Ladies are sick of men being screw ups. They are tired of men not stepping up to the plate. They are especially tired of men CHEATING(as if we were playing a game). And how do I know this, because that seems to be the new style these days MALE BASHING. So I have committed myself to identifying the labeling of men that has been going on due to the new girl power movement. So sit back and enjoy the journey towards LOVE without the misinterpretation and excessive bashing. This journey begins with the women.
The first stage of love for women is COURAGE. This is the first stage because this is the initial phase where women begin to get to know a new man. They have to put all their baggage behind them and start again. If they have been hurt it is difficult for them to move on and begin again. Anytime a woman meets a man and attempts a new beginning, fear kicks in. If they have had a consecutive streak of losers and no good men, then she may become bitter and disappointed. To overcome this fear a women has to have great mental and moral conviction.

Now some people might ask, why isn't courage the first stage for men. A characteristic such as courage is not a man or woman thing. However, in nature and life there are some things that are naturally occurring in each gender that is not in the other. Courage is one characteristic that is naturally occurring in men(or it should be) but a necessary component for women if they want to find real happiness with a potential mate for the future. A man is naturally courageous because when it comes to a relationship with a woman his fear and internal conflict is not the ability to persevere, but more so the difficult decision of SETTLING down with one woman. So while a man is struggling with the possible reality of not having thousands of women, a women has to toil with the constant feeling of being disappointed. Disappointment due to making consistent bad decisions in choosing a man. To pick up the pieces despite this disappointment is nothing more then courage. A courage that builds strong women and separates them from women that complain about being lonely and bash men for chasing other women. There is nothing more appealing then a woman that displays courage time after time.

And it is my view that these type of rare COURAGEOUS women are the ones that can snatch a man at will, while the non-courageous women are left behind by themselves wondering what they did wrong. The answer. YOU MIGHT HAVE DONE EVERYTHING WRONG, BUT THE PATH TO LOVE INVOLVES EXERTING YOUR ABILITY TO PERSEVERE THROUGH ALL THE WRONGS AND MISTAKES AND KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE. AND THAT PRIZE IS YOUR NATURAL BORN RIGHT TO BE HAPPY WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX.